The Cooking Channel

She said they only had valet parking and that charge would be $20.00 – but I could pick up my truck any time I needed it.  I had noticed the gate to the parking structure before I went into the hotel – there was a large door that was closed and there was a metal gate across the front.  The bed was soft and inviting – plenty of great pillows.  The TV was available behind a double-door cabinet.  There were little signs in the bathrooms that suggested ways you could be ‘greener’ by using your towels more than once – but of course if you didn’t want to – that would be OK too.  Readily available bottled water would cost you extra.  The maid knocked on the door about 6:00 p.m. asking if I wanted my bed turned down.  What?  She smiled then and said, “Would you like the chocolate anyway?”

The halls were carpeted and creepy and in spite of the inviting open wood grain paneling – there was no one around.  I was sure the other temporary residents must be out, perhaps meeting up in small groups somewhere laughing and being popular with one another.  Even in stocking feet locked away on the fourth floor alone – I felt like an interloper and would tiptoe quietly when I needed to move around.  I imagined that the hotel management was used to dealing with men with close thread-counted shiny suits with large wads of cash that could be handed out to the staff for the most minor of benefits. 

What confidence would I need in order to feel as though I owned the place?  That I could put on a robe and easily stroll wherever I wanted – perhaps look for the hot tub and plop in knowing other residents would join me and we would laugh and talk about football?  Or, dress up a bit and go down town to float across the threshold of a club where soon I would be chatting up a slinky waitress who actually looked into my eyes when she spoke?

No, no confidence like that available!  Why venture out and feel naked and awkward when there were opportunities to get some bread-making tips on the cooking channel. 

A pampered dog locked away for the night with no real reason to feel deprived.